Faith Without Works

I think the worst feeling is the world, is not knowing.

To be left alone, in the dark of the world.  Having knowledge, yet, feeling dumb as a brick. Having the where-with-all, and yet, not being able to use it. It is a frustrating feeling…being helpless…waiting…depending on outside “forces” to give you a clue…LOOKING for a clue…knowing that a pregnancy test could not be taken until you missed your period…right?  I can’t take a test prior to missing my period…or can I?  And if I can, how soon can I take it?

All of these thoughts were going through my head as we waited…biding our time until we could do more…know more.

The allotted two weeks went by, and one day…I noticed I was cramping something awful.  This was unusual for me.  Even with extremely painful cycles in my teenage years, I had not experienced cramps in years.  I started to get a wee bit excited, but decided against it.  I mean, I had heard of women who thought they were pregnant, and therefore made themselves symptomatic because they were so desperate to be pregnant.  So, I calmed down, and I ignored the signs.

That was the Sunday.

Then on Tuesday of the same week, I woke up, and experienced dry heaves that morning!  Then, I was at my desk, and all of a sudden, I was hit with an overwhelming desire to close my door…LOCK it…pull the blinds shut, and passssssss ooooouuuutttt.   I cannot explain it.  I just knew I HAD to sleep, and I had to do it right THEN!

I shook it off, grabbed my purse, and headed out to make a Starbucks run for a small Java Chip iced coffee—yum!  That worked, and I was rejuvenated for the rest of the day.

Then Wednesday, I had an immediate, dire urge for black beans, heavy—and I do mean so HEAVY that I could have easily exhaled and killed thousands—onions, tomatoes, and sour cream from Salarita’s! And by George, I got it, too!  And vomited it all up! Clean down to my toes! NOT a pretty sight!

Then I tried to eat my boring sandwich from home—puked that up as well.  Fine.  I went to the school cafeteria.  As soon as I walked in, and was bombarded with the scents of various concoctions brewing and bubbling-- I made a run for the door, and paid homage to a lovely bush just outside the door.

I collected myself, then walked back in the cafeteria, only to have the exact same reaction—a different bush this time—but the same reaction.

Someone suggested I might be pregnant.  No, I thought.  Wait…could I be? That quick? Could it have really been that easy?  People try for years…did I really get pregnant from the first college try?  I mean, I know faith without works is dead, but gadzooks! Could it really work that fast?
However, being that I have never done this before, I was extremely naïve. I honestly thought I couldn’t take a pregnancy test until the day I missed my period, which was the coming Sunday. Alas, someone told me I could indeed test with an early kit, because the early ones could detect the pregnancy hormone as early as six days prior to my missed period.

So I left school at 4:15, and I headed to the Super Conglomerate store down the street from my school, and I bought a box of three pregnancy tests (being both optimistic AND pessimistic at the same time), and I headed to pick up Matthew from daycare, and then headed home to take this test…mentally trying to prepare myself the entire 45 minute drive home…