Be Grateful...

Monday, March 31, 2014

This morning…this weekend…I was been terrified.  I had my first ob appointment last Thursday, and even though she advised of spotting, I was not aware that it could last so long…right?  I’m afraid…and I don’t know what to do, so I have just been praying. 

I’m worried because it did not begin Thursday…it started Saturday night, and it’s still happening. I have told no one.

I suffered in silence, because I do not want to let anyone around me know I am afraid.  I do not call the doctor, because I know there is nothing they can do…if it is not meant to be…it just isn't.  This is my worst possible fear coming to fruition?  Isn't it?

So I begin to think what I am grateful for, to try and ease my mind: 

I am grateful for my husband, who puts up with my shenanigans. 

I am grateful for my son—who keeps me smiling, and keeps me in stitches laughing at him on a daily basis.

I am grateful for God using me to shut the doctors up—this pregnancy, no matter the outcome, is a miracle—it was never supposed to happen, and yet it did.  I will always be grateful for that.

I am grateful for the family I was born in to…for all of their love, and their support.

I am grateful that even though there is spotting, there are no cramps.

I am grateful I woke up this morning.

I am grateful for a reasonable portion of health and strength.

I burst in to tears, and I don’t know when I stopped crying… 

I am grateful for my guidance counselor, who came barging in to my office, and forced me to talk about what was bothering me when she found me in tears, and then forced me to call my ob’s office to tell them what was going on. 

I was a blubbering mess.  I was sobbing all over the place, and my face was tear stained.  However, the nurse was VERY responsive, and extremely gentle, and patient with me.  While I was hysterical, she matched my hysteria with her calmness. She explained that some women are “bleeders,” and that it sounds like I am one (leave it to me to be so ‘special.’), but that nothing I described to her, sounded alarming.

 She said if I had menstrual cramps, then she would have me come in immediately, but with those being absent, she was not concerned.  She was however, concerned that I had not had a decent bowl movement in weeks, and told me to go on my lunch break, and pick up some Colace (a stool softener), and for me to relax.

I informed her that I did not want to be a bother, and she assured me that I was no bother, and that they were there to get me safely through my pregnancy…that made me feel better in all honesty.

Sometimes, I think we as human beings, just need someone to validate us.  We just need someone to validate our concerns, our fears.  We just need someone to listen, and to understand without passing judgment…we need to not be ignored…we just need someone to tell us, that we are not crazy…well, crazy yes, but not stupid…

I am grateful for my doctors and nurse….and I will be grateful no matter the outcome… “God has not promised me, sunshine. That's not the way it's going to be. But a little rain, mixed with God's sunshine.
A little pain, makes me appreciate the good times! Be grateful…Be grateful—Walter Hawkins…”