Wednesday, April 16, 2014

It Ain't Over Until God Says it's Over

Ultrasound  4.7.14

Sometimes, even though we try our best to do all the right things, the wrong things happen.

Not because you are a bad person. Not because you don’t deserve happiness. Just because…well, I don’t honestly know why. Maybe GOD SAYS NOT YET. Not right now. Not this time. Who knows why the things that happen to us, happen.

Today, I had my ultrasound. They found the gestational sac, and the yolk sac, but no fetal pole.  I had no clue what that meant…it means they did not see the fetus…they did not see the baby.

I hopped up off the table, got dressed, all happy…all unaware, and I was happily led to the exam room where my doctor would come in to see me…She came in, and stupid me: I was so excited. I thought seeing the gestation and yolk sacs was a big to do. I feel so stupid now looking back. I was so naive.

I also recognize things more looking back.  Maybe the spotting was more than anyone realized. Maybe when I woke up and realized there was no more morning sickness…no more sore boobs…I should’ve known? I was happy thinking I could eat…maybe those were warning signs? When did things go wrong? More importantly, WHY?

Maybe I knew more in my spirit than I let on…maybe that was why a part of me was so reluctant to tell my story. Maybe the same part that felt that this was coming.  This was me…a dream deferred.
My doctor said we’ll do another ultrasound in a week…but her face held no hope in it. Not one sign.  My heart sank.  

I held it together while scheduling the next ultrasound. I held it together while going down in the elevator. I held it together while I walked what seemed a mile to my car.  And then, once inside my car…once the door slammed shut with a thud…I stopped holding on, and I let go.  A deep, but still high-pitched…wail…
I don’t know what has ever hurt so much to compare it to. Did I get too cocky? Feeling myself too much for defying the odds?
Did I cross someone? Do some unknown evil that I was now being repaid for in the worst possible way?
Now I would have to face those sad faces.  Now, I would have to hear the sorry's that were coming.  Now, I would be surrounded by the many pregnant women at my job, knowing that my baby would not play amongst theirs.

I cried. I cried for I don’t know how long in the parking lot. I cried for every dream and hope I had tied up in this child—for the name I had already given this child. For the future I had planned for this child.

I cried. And when I got home to Matthew, even though I tried not to, I cried in front of him.  I cried when he wanted to see favorite episode of Yo Gabba Gabba—Baby.

He was so sweet. He climbed in to my lap and pointed to my face. Then he took his finger and wiped away a tear (like I do to him), and said, “Mommy crying.” And he laid his head on my shoulder and patted my back.

I hugged him to me. I hugged him to me, and I rocked him close. I did what I had not been able to do in weeks—I picked my baby up and I cradled him in my arms, and despite my best efforts, I cried more.
My heart was breaking. But he did not understand. My soul was shriveling up, but he would never know the sickness I felt within.


And that night, instead of putting my baby to bed alone; I was selfish—VERY selfish—and I held my child close to me, and while he drifted off to sleep, I cried myself there…after you’ve done all you can…you just….stand……

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